Tag Archives: life

Until Next Time

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Bronze Statue of Family Waving Goodbye

As some of you may already know, I have been going through a large amount of turmoil and change in both my personal and professional life. I can say honestly that I firmly believe that everything is going to work out for the better and I can also honestly reassure you that I am okay, but due to the sensitive nature of the topics involved I would rather keep the details private.

Having said that, I have begun to consider my options with many facets of my life. During that process I began to realize that for some several months I have not been able to honestly say I enjoy the direction digitalflood.com is proceeding in. I did, some months back, really enjoy the whole entertainment thing and somewhere during the past three months that has all changed.

You can see how distracted I’ve been by lack of updates and scattered focus on other projects. In short, digitalflood.com has come to a halt unlike before. Yes, there have been hiatuses in the past; but this is arguably different. Because when my life changed in the past, digitalflood.com as a project and an outlet seemed to thrive more than any other time. This time around was not the case. I feel stifled in the current framework I’m in. Distracted by wants and needs that cannot be met by simply focusing on entertainment production. My heart is no longer in this and long ago I made a promise when I first started this project that if my heart were ever not been into it; I would let it go because anything I produced from that point would be lackluster at best.

I can proudly saw the last few digitalflood Pirate Radio mixes have arguably been brilliant and the best work to date. Nevertheless, listenership is down significantly and I find it harder to be able to get my co-producers in the loop. They too are very distracted and focused on bigger/better things. That is life after all and I am far from bitter.

In fact, I wish to thank everyone who over the last decade has ever helped in any way keep this multimedia art project going in its many forms and iterations. We really made something here and it really moved people in ways I could not have ever imagined. You all have been supportive in your friendship and your companionship. I am truly blessed to have had the opportunity to work with all of you over the years. When you work with talented people it is easy to look brilliant yourself and so is the case with this project. You are true professionals.

I cannot forget my viewers. You have stuck through things with me through thick and thin. You have watched me grow up from a boy into a man via ever blog entry. You have showed unending support and encouragement from day one. To all of you who have ever viewed this site (even once by accident), I say a deep heartfelt thank you. You made me keep putting things out there and taking chances in my artistic creations that I could have never imagined I would have without you being there. Without you I would have never grown as far as I have as both an artist and a human being. And for that I am forever grateful and humbled by your gratitude.

To my family and friends, you all have been there through the whole the various high and low points of my life. I have enjoyed love from all of you that rivals that of all true friendships and families throughout time. I thank you for never questioning my work and always being there when I needed you as I progressed through it. You all together have been the rock on which I built this castle. I am forever in your debt.

Digitalflood.com itself is not going away. I plan on launching a new iteration of the site with a new focus. It will be more polished and professional. It will have completely nothing to do with anything I’ve done over the last ten years. The legacy content will be shelled into a “Classic DF” category for reference purposes. The site itself will be gutted and over the next few months you will watch something new rise from the ashes. But the DigitalFl00d project itself ceases here. It was an experiment I never thought would last this long. It was successful in so many ways and more than I ever imagined it would be. It has served its purposes and now it is time for new things, new places, and new directions. I leave the art project satisfied with its results and forever proud of its achievements.

I cannot thank you all enough again and please understand this not good by– but until next we meet.

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Classic DF – 9/3/04

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2 AM In WarwickIt’s 2 AM outside my house. I’ve just come home from a momentous night of change and turmoil. The past two years have been nothing, but one constant change of life. From my marriage collapsing, to learning to live on my own, to growing up finally into a man, and to becoming the father my daughter not only needs– but deserves. These are the things that I have faced. No sooner did one thing pass one way did life decide to pull me the other. My conscious decisions had a lot to do with all of this though and I now realize that. The choice was mine the whole time no matter how helpless at times I felt. I just had to choose. So here I am in the middle of my choices. I have closed a huge chapter in my life and begun a new one. It is time to put all these old things behind me. It is time to move onto the next page. This is all a reflection of this. My choice to continue on to bigger and better things begins here with a refresh of my virtual image that is digitalflood.com. I feel the layout is simplistic, but beautiful. You’ll find more focus on art and music. That is where we are going here. Two new albums (yes… now it’s two) are on their way. New art also. The site is going to be less of a focus on my personal life than ever (and that was null before) though a blog will eventually surface. I thank you to all the readers who continue to visit and I hope the newbies who show up will find something here. As always, thank you for riding this journey with me that is life.

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Classic DF – 10/11/03

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October 11, 2003: [•] My life has reached an evolutional plateau. I am quite happy by this. Now that change has stagnated I can focus on who I am and what I believe. I can follow my set course of action and stick to my ideals. Things are excellent. For the first time in a long time I am not only happy, but content too. Yes content and happy. My life is back in full effect. I have decided after the result of this year’s impromptu DigitalFl00d party that I want to become straight edge again. Not because I had a bad drinking experience. No, it’s not because I think things are out of control. It’s just I’m tired of alcohol. Thus I think my overall mid-life crisis with alcohol passes without much ado about anything. I’ve grown bored with certain things. Things I don’t need. So like dead leaves those things fall off. Two things consume me. Primarily being a father. I have become even more hard pressed to continue to be dedicated 150% to my daughter at all times. Secondary, to work hard to continue to prosper to insure her successful future. I have begun to fine tune the songs I’ve been working on. The rap thing seems to be slipping away, but whatever it is that I am creating is all that much better. I will not seek to define it other than mind blowing.

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Classic DF – 9/18/03

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September 18, 2003: [•] Today was a day of both good and bad for me. A little bit from column A. A little bit from column B. Overall it could have been worse or it could have been better, but what was simply… ummm… was. That’s okay in and of itself. I don’t want to talk about me today though. Instead I want to talk about someone else. For the first time in a long time I saw one of my friends truly happy. I saw something in his smile that I hadn’t seen from him in what would seem ages. To you my friend I send you the best wishes that those moments will continue. Seeing others happy tends to remind me of the things I want in life. I won’t lie. I do want that kind of happiness that comes from finding someone you can share love with. Even so, doing what I am doing now isn’t bad in any sense of the word. My life is coming together slowly, but surely. When I do have that special someone in my life I want to be ready for them. I want my life to be together enough that I can focus on their presence instead of all the issues I have to focus on now. Then again, when you are with someone you love that much even those little things don’t matter so maybe I’m just putting too much thought behind my actions again. Damn this thing called rational. Damn it straight to Hell. 😉 My biggest regret, once again, seems to simply be the things I cannot bring myself to say or do. Point number two I have to work on. Note to self: Figure this all out after you’ve had some sleep to clear the cobwebs. Point taken, I’m out..

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Classic DF – 9/15/03

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September 15, 2003: [•] Returning home tonight I noticed the strange lack of people on my apartment building’s front porch. All summer it was filled with teens in this constant state of partying. They had all just graduated from the local high school. They were celebrating the one last summer before college. Before going their separate ways. Nine years ago I went my separate way just like them. I just noticed today they were no longer here on my porch and maybe today I just noticed a lot of other things were gone from my life in general. The past three weeks has been full of all sorts of talk about what it means to be a friend. I’ll admit that I am not a very good friend. Does that make me a bad person? I would argue not. I just think the part of me that was capable of being a good friend has changed. I think I have changed. My path– it has changed too. I am very sure of what I want. I am very sure I’m not going to get it. Not because I don’t believe in myself, but because I don’t ever see me achieving the kind of relationship I want with anyone. I am a person of solitude. I like my quite, boring, and incredibly plain apartment. I like my low key life. I like the silence of sitting alone and just listening to the crickets chirp. In short, I like not having the teenagers around. The only noise I miss is that of my daughter. Her laughter and her cheer fill up my house as they fill up my life. That is the only noise I wish to surround myself with. The noise of youthful innocence from the mouth of my beautiful child. Otherwise this silence suits me fine. I am choosing my noise now. I am choosing my voice. I am choosing when to speak. I am becoming more quite by the day and in this silence I am starting to listen to what is on the inside. I am listening to my heart. Back to what a true friend is– one who will tell another with all his heart what they hear inside no matter what it may be and be willing to hear what is inside that other person with total respect for their own personal inner voice. I am learning to listen to others. I am learning to accept things I never would have before. I am learning to not be judgmental of others and to let others live their life as they see fit. I am opening my horizons to include ideas that while they may not suit me are the choice of others, therefore I respect them. I am learning and I am growing. Months ago I was looking at the changes in my life. I was trying to make sense of them. I was making a lot of noise over them. Tonight I looked into my heart and found the answer had been there the whole time. You are your own true friend. I’ve been true to myself for the first time in years. In turn with loving myself I can come to respect others for who they are instead of for what they do. I am seeking the ability to respect; to look beyond what is or isn’t. To seek what is inherent and given, but to not judge it as a particular shade of gray. I will seek to manage my emotion. To heal myself from within. And I will once again triumph over the adversary of self-disbelief that holds us all back from our true capabilities. Keep it real my friends and believe in yourself. For you are your own key to true happiness.

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