December 03, 2002: [•] I love mysterious web sites with only a graphic teasing you as to its true meaning and besides anything by Broken is cool. So with that I give you BrokenFilms! Whahoo! [•] Yep, it’s Tuesday and thus I bring you my WWE RAW! weekly bitching. As usual Immy‘s house hosted our little wrestling gathering which included Verona, MG, Rider666 (or the artist formerly know as Thundercat), Mermaid, and Skyler. Honestly there was so much going on conversation-wise in the room I really didn’t watch too much of the show. The commentary and interpersonal interaction were much more interesting than some little wrestling show could muster. Nevertheless using my Miss Cleo-like powers from the dark side of the spoon I have telepathically siphoned the images of wrestlers long gone to give me some insight into a show I never watched. I think this is also how they do the Neilsen ratings judging by the success of Friends and Survivor because God knows real human beings wouldn’t ever watch that sort of crap. Anyhow here we go: The Dudley Boyz had a great match with 2:30 Warning (Rico still isn’t big enough to be a whole minute). The Dudleys won, but were severely beat down by 2:30 and Those Evil Canadians. Did I mention that Canadians are evil? Well, going by wrestling they are. Very evil. The Samoans too. Not to mention ministers, rock stars, and ex-ECW wrestlers. All evil. But I digress, the match was good so it gets an 8 out of 10 (and they hit Devon Dudley over the head with a chair while he was lying face down on another chair… pure chair smacking genius). I don’t remember too much of Trish Stratus verses Ivory. They both looked good. They fought (I think). I think that Victoria came down and attacked Trish. I don’t know anymore. All the girls look alike nowadays in wrestling anyhow. It gets a 9 because there were lots of boobs nevertheless. William Regal with Lance Storm took on Jeff Hardy and Tommy Dreamer. We’re all sure Jeff is gay. He flies gay. He jumps gay. He raped Lance’s ass and that was really gay. At that point I lost consciousness and passed out due to the amount of gayness. I awoke to find Tommy Dreamer swinging a large stick at everyone and almost hitting Jeff by accident. Plus, Dreamer was bleeding. SHIT! The match got exciting and I passed out! Well, I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt and give it a 7 based on gay rape with bloody noses being an “in thing” to do today. Batista decided to walk on down to the ring to fight the Hurricane for whatever reason. I think Batista’s belly button is possibly even gayer than Lance’s ass raping, but I’m still deep in thought over that debate. In the meantime I plan to ignore both and pretend it never happened (much like waking up this morning in general). I’m not sure what happened. Verona had to go home and I needed sleep. So I’ll make something up. WWE.com says that Batista won so I’m going to say that Batista simply discovered that Hurricane’s secret weakness was stupid looking tattoos. Batista being covered in stupid looking tattoos won no problem. Case closed. Oh yeah, Ric Flair is hanging out with Batista. Why? Ummm… let’s see. Oh yeah here’s why– The glass ceiling returned courtesy of HHH. His throat got crushed so he sounded funny. I laughed at him. Not because he sounded funny, but because he still looks funny too. He’s got a big nose! HAH! Actually with the big nose and the raspy voice HHH is starting to bear a strange resemblance to a steroid loving Gonzo. I wonder how much longer it will be until he dies his balding head blue. Not long my friends. Not long indeed. Bring in the chickens!
