Aug. 10, 1999: The air cools around us, and summer slowly has begun to pass away. We soon will begin to take the time to recall all the events that have comprised our summer of turmoil and joy. In May I said to Immortalis that this summer was going to be, from what I could extrapolate, the must wild summer ever. Yes, it has been one wild summer. From the first party, courtesy of Marlin we have seen one incredibly insane local scene. Nothing is sacred any longer; friendship seems to mean nothing. This is a summer of change to put it lightly. In light of recent comments from all sorts of sources I have taken in the entire visage that is both Jeph.net and DF crew. I have come to several conclusions, and to put it lightly have made several bigger observations.
What I Learned on my Summer Vacation
by flAnnelmAn
When you think you know somebody, you may not. That is the bigger lesson that I have found. Just when I thought I had figured out my enviroment it showed me a thing or two, by changing as rapidly and wildly as possible. We never saw it coming. I started this summer by begging people to show up at Marlin’s party as a sign of retribution for an act that now is inconsiquential. Immy had been dating Dorothy. Of course she had been with Marlin earlier, so this is where bad blood began. We all put our differances aside and showed up. We had fun. We had hope. And I met Azazel for the first as more then someone I stared at from afar. Things kind of got fuzzy from there in. I liked Azazel, but in respect for c0il, my brother, I didn’t do anything. He apparently liked her too, but what I didn’t know was they were just friends. Furthermore, she had just as much interest in me as I had for her. Neither of us said anything for fear of rejection. But, I digress, for as stated before things had gotten fuzzy… Dorothy ended up seeing me. The relationship wasn’t fun at all. I had dropped out of the scene for a while. I had to get things together. Finally, after Dorothy slept with Prax I came to talk to the one person I could confide in, Immy. I’d been avoiding, out of fear of retribution for being with his ex, the one thing I had: a friend who never judged me by what I did, but for who I am. I’d also been talking to Azazel. She was the first woman that I could talk to and not feel that I would recieve a verbal lashing for confiding the truth in. In short she became a friend that I could respect on a mental and spiritual level. She gave me the courage to believe in myself and be happy with what I was, a human being worthy of being cared about. I finally realized that I was more than interested in her, or simply just being a friend. I was falling in love with her. I risked my life as I knew it and told my brother how I felt. c0il was distraught and angry, but in time he came to see that Azazel and him were merely friends. We came to terms with everything and became closer brothers then ever. I found the brother I thought I’d lost in my zest for lust with Dorothy and a person, Azazel, who I could love without fear of rejection. Rejection is all I have known till that point. Lori and Dorothy were lessons. Lessons in what love isn’t. It isn’t lustful or hateful. It never would hurt you. You could always believe in it. I had found love in the eyes of my angel, Azazel. So once again things got fuzzy… I spent time away from everyone while I built a relationship of trust and love. I held the DigitalFl00d Release party and celebrated my musical apsirations with my friends. It was the best birthday ever! I have all my friends to thank for that. Then Azazel had personal home problems that lead to her living with me. While I focused on that things in the scene fell apart. Marlin, Rock and Dorothy had begun to hang out. I felt sickened as everything I had worked on at Marlin’s party had been lost. That every piece of hope I had instilled in my friends on leaving Dorothy was destroyed by other’s ignorance. When I tried to get everyone to wake up… it was all in vain. So I gave up and focused on the most important thing in my life, Azazel. I had been avoiding my family till now, but because she was now living with me I found myself forced to reinstill faith in the fact I had a family. What I found out is my Mother is possibly the most caring and positive parent in the world. Every move was supported, including me asking Azazel to marry me. Never was our actions questioned. I don’t know how to repay her for all she has done for us, I may never know. So we planned a marriage, but because friendships were not stable we didn’t know who we could invite. We decided to elope. Last minute we decided we wanted our families as part of lives and to witness our marriage. So Azazel and her Mother made huge amends to rebuild a relationship that had been strained through years of conflicts that had finally exploded. Those conflicts were worked out in private, I’m still not sure what went on between them, but I never asked because the outcome is that they have a wonderful relationship as Mother-daughter. They did it on their own. Azazel found her family again too. We had the world. Well, sort of. Our friends remained our concern. Now we stand at the point of no going back. Marlin, Jeph, and Korpios have come at odds with Immy and Red Raven (who had hard times of his own changing jobs, dealing with home life, and trying to understand what people really want from him) over Immy’s ex-girlie La. A problem child in her own right, she is up there with Lori or Dorothy in terms of malice and lust. This mistake would sever the ties between my now two groups of friends. People have been caught in between, such as poor Mikista, who had nothing to do with this situation, but was pulled in anyhow. Others have remained mute like Mermaid and Vernona. They may be the smartest people out there for not taking sides at all. Flying Moose has seen his entire film project flop as a result of this. God knows how many thousands of dollars will now go to waste over our feuding. Covalence too has been forgotten. He is out in San Fransisco, CA in the Air Force. Apparently he is very lonely and I am the only one who bothers to write. In this online war we have forgotten a friend who really needs us. People like Gundam have found themselves falling on hard times of money, but no one has bothered to make sure he is okay. We’ve all been to busy dissing each other in mIrc with our Away Messages to care about him or his girl, Melissa. This summer was wild, but because of our lust we have forgotten our love. Where are our families? Our friends? Our future? This war has no winners. I’ve come to the conclusion we are all losers… big fat ugly computer geek losers. Just like we were always told in High School. I always told Azazel when she would say how great I am that I am no better then any one person. That is true. We all have potential for greatness. We have wasted it. I give you this ultimatium… if we can’t cooperate forget it all, it’s all off. Unfortunately, DigitalFl00d from day one has always been ME… I wanted it to be us. It is with great regret that I tell you that I will be choosing the most reliable to provide the service they can best provide. I’m going to be handling this on an indvidual basis, so e-mail me for more information. I tired of the war… I give up. I’m done. I’m old, I’m fucking tired, I’ve got nerve problems and an uneasy stomach. I’m trying to pay for a car that doesn’t run, for an education in a line of work I’m not so sure I want to do, and provide for a wife that I love more then life itself. My family… whether it be Welch or Burger, is my main concern. My wife to be, Azazel, is the number one priority. I love her, that is an under statement, I love her more then I could ever tell you. My life is about to change. I am moving out without regret. I don’t need the juvenile crap anymore. I warned you over one year ago, and I do mean ALL OF YOU that this was going to happen. I have tried everything to be nice to everyone. I have given you all the benefit of the doubt. Grow up… it’s over. Can’t you see you are never going to win? That no one is right? I learned something at Rock’s party, after Azazel and I argued. You have to see everything through the other persons’ eyes. Everyone’s problem is that: you can’t see it through the other persons’ eyes… you can’t see anything, your blind to the truth. The truth– all we have is each other and if it wasn’t for the arguing your fear is that we wouldn’t talk at all… welcome to the real world, population…. you.
