Author Archives: Chris

About Chris

Chris is an IT/IS management professional with over a decade of experience in IT, IS, Network Engineering, and Telecommunications integration. Chris specializes in web server deployment and information management. This includes CMS, CRM, and dynamic content deployment. Chris also manages a full service Video Head End with over 200 digital TV channels. Chris also has five years of project management, knowledge management, and engineering design experience. He specializes in both the Agile and Scrum project management methodology. He also has a background in computer forensics and information security including federal or state compliance audits (such as SOX).

Classic DF – 10/22/99

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Oct. 22, 1999: Everyone has an opinion and in the words of Rev. Daemon Immortalis, “That’s a beautiful thing”. However, sometimes if you can’t say something nice you shouldn’t say it at all. That’s from Mrs. Brigsby in the The Secret of Nimh. She was a smart mouse. Rock has shared his insights into Melissa and my posts about “friends”. I guess Rocky was right on that point, but sometimes being mute only leads to being taken advantage of. As was this case, I believe… I could be wrong (but I’m not so shut up for a second and keep reading:). The only life long friend I’ve ever had was my Mom… she has been there since she shot me out of her crotch 22 yrs. ago. Ummmmm… everyone else has been there less time. I guess that isn’t wasn’t what Rock meant exaclty… I think he was striving for the more proper term of “long time friend”. Well, I did choose my long time friend. Rock, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but you won’t stay any longer with one person than the one you marry. That person will be the longest friend (and lover etc…) you’ll ever have. Your wife should be forever, at least that is what Mel and I are striving for. Anything less and you shouldn’t marry that person. So I did choose my long time friend and companion, Melissa. So what is it Rock was really talking about? I think what he was hoping to say was: Damn it flAn, why don’t you wait for them understand your marriage like you did for me?! Good point, I have an answer: 1.) When you love someone as deeply as I love Mel you defend that person from anyone who is out to hurt them… they were out to hurt her and Covalence was hoping to somehow steal back Mel… the reality check for him should have been she was never his and she hates his lame butt. But, that’s another point for another time. 2.) Covalence didn’t want to understand us… he wanted to destroy us. Why? I don’t know… maybe he has become the big drinker he was bragging to everyone he is… maybe he’s an alcoholic or something. The only help I could offer him is the advice to seek professional counseling and treatment in a good Betty Ford Clinic 🙂 He never supported our marriage not because it was too fast, but because he was jealous; case closed. That person isn’t a friend…. and Rock if you think that person is a friend: me and you need to discuss why you shouldn’t let people use you or hurt you, even if you think they are a friend… they are not. 3.) Who cares about their friends more than their wife… oh yeah, those divorced guys! Don’t be foolish sheeeeeeeesh!!! I can understand what he means though (and I say that without sarcasism). You think, Rock, that if I give those idiots a chance maybe then they’ll figure out that Mel and I followed our hearts… that’s why we didn’t wait and we spend so much time together, because we really love each other. I couldn’t agree more with you my friend EXCEPT Covalence isn’t going to accept that… he hates both of us because we are everything he wishes he was: married and happy. Jealousy will never allow friendship and hatred can never be ignored. So I give you this… we’ve given everyone a chance to understand us; it is them who refuse to understand and therefore never will. There is no reason to hold onto friends when they are long gone from the time you were friends. There is no reason to hope for change when they never will. And there is nothing to say when they won’t hear what you have to say. The deaf ear hears nothing. They have choosen their lives, and I have choosen mine. I am happy with my choice. Are they happy with theirs?

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Classic DF – 10/20/99

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Oct. 20, 1999: One day we grow up… well, not all of us. Sometimes as we progress in our hopes and dreams we leave others behind. Those “friends” often feel betrayed or lost, but in the end there is little left to say. When someone says that they trust you and believe in you as a person that is a great gift, but when that same person later turns to you and says that they think everything you do is wrong. Sure, it’s wrong…. for them. Obviously it is only right for you or you wouldn’t have done it. If a friend says that they will always be there and then that friend runs off to find other friends, is that fair? Is it your duty to stay in contact with that friend when they don’t return your phone calls or e-mails? Or when they do call or write they bash every decision you make; then they tell you their problems, so you try to relate. But, instead of consultation you get another ear full of why they are better then you. Would you honestly want to call that person a friend. Suppose that friend has taken advantage of you for over ten years. Has mistreated you and belittled you infront of women, often degrading your image. Has constantly reminded you how important their work is compared to you. That is not a friend. That is an abusive relationship. No one should ever feel the need to stay in that relationship. It is not your fault that person is immature or disillusioned. Drugs, alcohol, and illicit behavior have destroyed their mind. That is not your fault. If they choose to destroy their body and betray a drug free lifestyle all you can do is stand back and wish them well. That is not your problem. Those who run away from their problems will only find them catch up with even more vigor and pain then originally. If they are jealous because you have found true love through hard work and dedication, but their lying sleazy ways have gotten them nowwhere, don’t feel bad for them… that was their choice. If they are jealous of what you have (and even claim they had it first when they didn’t even really take the time to get to know the person) and they are angry because they walked away from perfection because they were too stupid to see it, they are the foolish one. So move on… I will. If another friend tells you that they want time with their signifigant other and you grant them that time. Then, when their relatioship starts to teeter and they come back to hang out with you like old times. The problem is you’ve grown up and moved on to other things, old times are long dead. If that friend then attacks the person that you love and demands they are controlling; when in reality you have choosen to be with them. Suppose all is you want is the time that your friend was alloted to be with his “love”. But, that friend won’t grant you that time with your love. That isn’t a friend either. No one has stolen you or told you what to do. If you’re in love and someone is jealous of that… well, frankly that too is their problem. People like these are not your friends… they are angry, jealous, and decietful. In the end you not at fault. You have grown up and it is not your job to make them do the same. That is their problem, not yours… in the end there is nothing to say…

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Classic DF – 9/4/99

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Sept. 4, 1999: Marlin posted his summer end review (which includes, “Flannelman, you confuse me sometimes, but you stick to your guns without opening fire, and I have to respect that.”) Thanks, I think, LOL. Alot of people seem to think I confuse them, maybe that’s true. I’ve been in a e-mail rant and rave match with Korpios, he feels that I “place myself on a higher moral plane” and tend to be “an arrogant asshole”. Strong words by someone who always claims to be better then everyone else and have liberal views (translation: do whatever they want because they are free to rule their own little world without regard for others). Maybe I “will defend Melissa no matter what she says or does…”, but that is what love is about. Sticking with your guns because you love someone, no matter what. The bottom line is I do love Melissa; hell I love her so much I married her 🙂 So you won’t get an arguement out of me. Rock probably says it best when he wrote, “Chris has gone off and chosen a life, to live with Melissa, he made her his wife. Together they live and together they are, and they love each other with all of their hearts.” I couldn’t have put it more aptly. Like an indivisable system, bound souls, or an indestructable atomic bond I stand with my wife. There is nothing wrong with that. If more people stuck with what they believe Immortalis would have a web page. Maybe, I jump to conclusions sometimes. Damn straight, when most people are stabbing each other in the back I do it to your face (another great fact that I thank Marlin for pointing out… I’d rather know about someone attempting to destroy me then trying to hide it like a coward). If there is one thing my Grandmother taught me it was never hide your feelings. She taught me something else too– if you love someone you will always stick up for them. Belittle my wife therefore and you will get belittled. I have never been short on words, nor do I lose my temper. By now even the lamest people around know that every move I make is calculated and that I don’t lose (two certain females out there learned that in about one day). Life for me isn’t boring, it never has been. I’ve always had someone chewing into me, but that’s what people do when they are jealous. “For all of you that have read this far, thanks… It must seem like a soap, but hey, it’s me,” Red Raven said once in a good past rant. I would tend to argee. This is real life, the life I’m living. SO whether it’s some some faggot making comments about Melissa or a or some lame punk band that I’m currently knocking I’m going to tell you how it is. Melissa’s Father puts it best when he told me to do one thing, “Keep it real” (which is really funny to hear coming from a full grown man:) And that is what I do, I keep it real. That’s what DF is all about. I try to get along with everyone and in essence I do. But don’t fuck with the crew because that’s when I tell you how it is. 9 out of 10 times that’s when people get pissed, when I respond. So if you don’t like to hear what I got to say just remember, I didn’t type the url in the address bar. There are plenty of lame bands out there. There is plenty of websites dedicated to cheese. No one made you read it, but let’s face it you want to know who’s next on the flAnnel-hitlist LOL. Sometimes just when you think I’m done bitching about someone or you think I gave up… I bring it back to you all. So in the end I am an arrogant asshole. I will always stand behind Melissa no matter what. I confuse the fuck out of eveyrone. I, however, don’t lie, cheat, or steal. I never hide my true intentions. Yeah, I also place myself on a higher moral plane. That’s what I do, I try to be the best me there is because no one else can be me. I’m proud of me and so are the people who love me. Infact, it is my belief that the entire point of life is to be the best you possible and do the best with what you have. That’s the point of life. If you don’t live up to your true potential, tough, that’s your choice. I’ve already made mine… Mermaid responded once to something I said and put it out there to everyone, “(flAnnelmAn) is right,… for the most part. No one is right, no one is wrong.. however, there are exceptions to every rule. Some of the acts that have gone on in recent days in this war are inexcuseable, the `no right, no wrong’ theroy just won’t apply to them.” Right now, I believe, there is no right or wrong and that rule can now be applied. That situation is long gone. I am over all that. I’ve forgiven everyone, inlcuding myself. Melissa has too. Maybe it’s time for others to do the same. Maybe, just maybe, I’m not the only arrogant one with a webpage. Keep it real.

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Classic DF – 8/10/99

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Aug. 10, 1999: The air cools around us, and summer slowly has begun to pass away. We soon will begin to take the time to recall all the events that have comprised our summer of turmoil and joy. In May I said to Immortalis that this summer was going to be, from what I could extrapolate, the must wild summer ever. Yes, it has been one wild summer. From the first party, courtesy of Marlin we have seen one incredibly insane local scene. Nothing is sacred any longer; friendship seems to mean nothing. This is a summer of change to put it lightly. In light of recent comments from all sorts of sources I have taken in the entire visage that is both Jeph.net and DF crew. I have come to several conclusions, and to put it lightly have made several bigger observations.

What I Learned on my Summer Vacation
by flAnnelmAn
When you think you know somebody, you may not. That is the bigger lesson that I have found. Just when I thought I had figured out my enviroment it showed me a thing or two, by changing as rapidly and wildly as possible. We never saw it coming. I started this summer by begging people to show up at Marlin’s party as a sign of retribution for an act that now is inconsiquential. Immy had been dating Dorothy. Of course she had been with Marlin earlier, so this is where bad blood began. We all put our differances aside and showed up. We had fun. We had hope. And I met Azazel for the first as more then someone I stared at from afar. Things kind of got fuzzy from there in. I liked Azazel, but in respect for c0il, my brother, I didn’t do anything. He apparently liked her too, but what I didn’t know was they were just friends. Furthermore, she had just as much interest in me as I had for her. Neither of us said anything for fear of rejection. But, I digress, for as stated before things had gotten fuzzy… Dorothy ended up seeing me. The relationship wasn’t fun at all. I had dropped out of the scene for a while. I had to get things together. Finally, after Dorothy slept with Prax I came to talk to the one person I could confide in, Immy. I’d been avoiding, out of fear of retribution for being with his ex, the one thing I had: a friend who never judged me by what I did, but for who I am. I’d also been talking to Azazel. She was the first woman that I could talk to and not feel that I would recieve a verbal lashing for confiding the truth in. In short she became a friend that I could respect on a mental and spiritual level. She gave me the courage to believe in myself and be happy with what I was, a human being worthy of being cared about. I finally realized that I was more than interested in her, or simply just being a friend. I was falling in love with her. I risked my life as I knew it and told my brother how I felt. c0il was distraught and angry, but in time he came to see that Azazel and him were merely friends. We came to terms with everything and became closer brothers then ever. I found the brother I thought I’d lost in my zest for lust with Dorothy and a person, Azazel, who I could love without fear of rejection. Rejection is all I have known till that point. Lori and Dorothy were lessons. Lessons in what love isn’t. It isn’t lustful or hateful. It never would hurt you. You could always believe in it. I had found love in the eyes of my angel, Azazel. So once again things got fuzzy… I spent time away from everyone while I built a relationship of trust and love. I held the DigitalFl00d Release party and celebrated my musical apsirations with my friends. It was the best birthday ever! I have all my friends to thank for that. Then Azazel had personal home problems that lead to her living with me. While I focused on that things in the scene fell apart. Marlin, Rock and Dorothy had begun to hang out. I felt sickened as everything I had worked on at Marlin’s party had been lost. That every piece of hope I had instilled in my friends on leaving Dorothy was destroyed by other’s ignorance. When I tried to get everyone to wake up… it was all in vain. So I gave up and focused on the most important thing in my life, Azazel. I had been avoiding my family till now, but because she was now living with me I found myself forced to reinstill faith in the fact I had a family. What I found out is my Mother is possibly the most caring and positive parent in the world. Every move was supported, including me asking Azazel to marry me. Never was our actions questioned. I don’t know how to repay her for all she has done for us, I may never know. So we planned a marriage, but because friendships were not stable we didn’t know who we could invite. We decided to elope. Last minute we decided we wanted our families as part of lives and to witness our marriage. So Azazel and her Mother made huge amends to rebuild a relationship that had been strained through years of conflicts that had finally exploded. Those conflicts were worked out in private, I’m still not sure what went on between them, but I never asked because the outcome is that they have a wonderful relationship as Mother-daughter. They did it on their own. Azazel found her family again too. We had the world. Well, sort of. Our friends remained our concern. Now we stand at the point of no going back. Marlin, Jeph, and Korpios have come at odds with Immy and Red Raven (who had hard times of his own changing jobs, dealing with home life, and trying to understand what people really want from him) over Immy’s ex-girlie La. A problem child in her own right, she is up there with Lori or Dorothy in terms of malice and lust. This mistake would sever the ties between my now two groups of friends. People have been caught in between, such as poor Mikista, who had nothing to do with this situation, but was pulled in anyhow. Others have remained mute like Mermaid and Vernona. They may be the smartest people out there for not taking sides at all. Flying Moose has seen his entire film project flop as a result of this. God knows how many thousands of dollars will now go to waste over our feuding. Covalence too has been forgotten. He is out in San Fransisco, CA in the Air Force. Apparently he is very lonely and I am the only one who bothers to write. In this online war we have forgotten a friend who really needs us. People like Gundam have found themselves falling on hard times of money, but no one has bothered to make sure he is okay. We’ve all been to busy dissing each other in mIrc with our Away Messages to care about him or his girl, Melissa. This summer was wild, but because of our lust we have forgotten our love. Where are our families? Our friends? Our future? This war has no winners. I’ve come to the conclusion we are all losers… big fat ugly computer geek losers. Just like we were always told in High School. I always told Azazel when she would say how great I am that I am no better then any one person. That is true. We all have potential for greatness. We have wasted it. I give you this ultimatium… if we can’t cooperate forget it all, it’s all off. Unfortunately, DigitalFl00d from day one has always been ME… I wanted it to be us. It is with great regret that I tell you that I will be choosing the most reliable to provide the service they can best provide. I’m going to be handling this on an indvidual basis, so e-mail me for more information. I tired of the war… I give up. I’m done. I’m old, I’m fucking tired, I’ve got nerve problems and an uneasy stomach. I’m trying to pay for a car that doesn’t run, for an education in a line of work I’m not so sure I want to do, and provide for a wife that I love more then life itself. My family… whether it be Welch or Burger, is my main concern. My wife to be, Azazel, is the number one priority. I love her, that is an under statement, I love her more then I could ever tell you. My life is about to change. I am moving out without regret. I don’t need the juvenile crap anymore. I warned you over one year ago, and I do mean ALL OF YOU that this was going to happen. I have tried everything to be nice to everyone. I have given you all the benefit of the doubt. Grow up… it’s over. Can’t you see you are never going to win? That no one is right? I learned something at Rock’s party, after Azazel and I argued. You have to see everything through the other persons’ eyes. Everyone’s problem is that: you can’t see it through the other persons’ eyes… you can’t see anything, your blind to the truth. The truth– all we have is each other and if it wasn’t for the arguing your fear is that we wouldn’t talk at all… welcome to the real world, population…. you.

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