About Chris

Chris is an IT/IS management professional with over a decade of experience in IT, IS, Network Engineering, and Telecommunications integration. Chris specializes in web server deployment and information management. This includes CMS, CRM, and dynamic content deployment. Chris also manages a full service Video Head End with over 200 digital TV channels. Chris also has five years of project management, knowledge management, and engineering design experience. He specializes in both the Agile and Scrum project management methodology. He also has a background in computer forensics and information security including federal or state compliance audits (such as SOX).

Classic DF – 3/7/04

March 07, 2004: [•] More lyrics and more hatred… the time draws near… the vision is all that more clear. The product is in production.

“27 to life”

It’s so hard being different
in a world indifferent to pain.
It’s so hard being unique
when it’s only you who isn’t the same.
The confusion sets in as I misunderstand
or misread the voice once again.
I’m not saying I’m perfect.
I have scars and flaws like you.
Your choices are blurry.
My opinion should not matter beyond me; not you too.
I’m tired of living by the masses rules.
I’m tired of being sorry for how I feel.
So fuck your oversexed over-drugged Earth.
Fuck their mass produced lies with which we’re cursed.
Look around you and tell me this is a paradise.
This shit-hole prison.
This sad excuse we dare call life.

I’m not giving up on humanity.
I’m just tired of this society.
Tired of its hypocrisy.
So when I denounce it all the way.
When I blow up on this beautiful day.
Don’t be surprised.
You always knew I’d be the next headline.

Failure to comprehend why we must fuck everything.
Failure to communicate with those little things.
Driving myself away from all that is here.
Pushing the limit of sanity until it stings.
I’m just the messenger so don’t shoot me.
I’m just the next nut job screaming
about all this stupidity.
About the end being nearer than you’ll ever see.
This breaking point in the tide
and this changing direction of winds.
Soon you will see the truth too
and the end will begin.
I see burning water.
I see choking air.
I see the planet crumble.
I wish you were there.
I’m not saying a comet will fall on us.
There won’t be a judgment passed for sin.
No walking dead or demons in the sky.
No blister or lesions on your skin.
However when you wake up
and see what you’ve become.
When you realize you hate yourself
and want to die then I will have won.

I’m not giving up on humanity.
I’m just tired of this society.
Tired of its hypocrisy.
So when I denounce it all the way.
When I blow up on this beautiful day.
Don’t be surprised.
You always knew I’d be the next headline.

I am changing into everything you hate.
I am becoming all that is rejected once again.
I’m done hiding all that I feel.
I’m done lying and will no longer pretend.
This is the truth.
Think for yourself.
This is the root of of birth.
When you choose something else.
When you hate social cancer.
When you dare question the norm.
The difference between death and living
is choosing to never be born.
Just right the first time.
Just right feeling this hate.
For love is forgiving
and I cannot make it isolate
all these feelings.
All for the love and hope.
If you choose their world
you deserve to hang on that rope.
Thirty silver none the richer.
Did you not drop the sword.
Three times you denied it.
Are you slave or are you a lord?

I’m not giving up on humanity.
I’m just tired of this society.
Tired of its hypocrisy.
So when I denounce it all the way.
When I blow up on this beautiful day.
Don’t be surprised.
You always knew I’d be the next headline.

No chance to turn back.
Your choice is this
The way is blocked.
No forgiveness.
Why do we live this?
Why do we live this?
Why don’t we choose a real exit?
Make it to a real end.
Why do we cycle?
You’re all the same
in your being different.
And it is I that am the one left alone.
So just walk the fuck away
and forget you ever heard a thing.
Then you have your perfect world.
You’ll not have to deal with me.
You want need to hear this.
You won’t need to be…
alive and free

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Classic DF – 3/1/04

March 01, 2004: [•] Today was awesome. I had a great time just hanging out with V. Work went good. Wrestling at Immy’s was just great. Okay, so I tripped on ice during a walk at lunch time and managed to bruise myself up pretty bad. Fine some of the stuff I did today at work didn’t work out perfect. Yeah, I’ve got some crud to deal with in my life and everything is kind of loopy right now. Today felt like Spring though. It was truly a new day. This is my new philosophy: I will take each day as a new day. This is also my vow for Lent. To let the day just go as it is and be happy for whatever I get out of it. Good or bad– I am finally at peace with myself again.

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Classic DF – 2/29/04

February 29, 2004: [•] I managed to lose the person I was in love with, but gain a friend better than I could imagine in that same person. It has been a day of true duality. For me that should be natural. I’m a Gemini and duality of self is something I have lived with my entire life. Nevertheless I find myself confused with the occurrences of today and their meaning in life. For the first time a door has opened up into tomorrow and it scares me because I do not know what any of this means. I’m lost. I’m scared. I’m not alone though and that is the odd part. Though I have managed to isolate myself like never before I am, for the first time in months, not alone. What now? I have answered the question of who exactly really does love me and why, but at the same time I have no idea what to do with my life. I have no idea where I am heading. I am, for a lack of better understanding, a vagrant in this world without a true home or purpose. My life is a blank slate. I am afraid to write anything on it. I might mar it. I might write something I don’t believe truly in. I might fail to keep the promises I make. I am at a beginning and I hate it because endings are so much more decisive. Yet an hour ago I would have said the exact opposite; I would have said I hate the end because it’s so much harder than the beginning and that saying good-bye is too hard for me to do. You figure it out because like I said– I can’t. Duality, it runs my world today.

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Classic DF – 2/20/04

February 20, 2004: [•] I’m not sure why this is somewhat funny but it just is:

  • Her: Why do you have to keep bringing up the past over and over?
  • Me: I’m sorry. I don’t know. I tend to dwell on stuff.
  • Her: You just got to stop though.
  • Me: Okay, you’re right. I won’t keep bringing up the past over and over. You’ve got to promise me you’ll help though by making sure we don’t bring all the bad stuff up over and over.
  • Her: What?! No, it’s okay to rehash things– just don’t dwell on it. Make your point and move on to something else.

That may just be the best advice I’ve ever been given and I’m not being sarcastic. At the same time it’s also brutally honest and that makes it ironically funny. Just thought I’d share. Also stay away from perfumes that when inhaled set your sinuses on fire. I’ve never known mace to turn on me, but apparently some perfume designer thought it would be funny to market it as sexy and then put it out as an Estee Lauder scent. The reason? That’s beyond me.

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Classic DF – 2/18/04

February 18, 2004: [•] On second thought, life isn’t that bad after all. It’s just different somewhat, but it’s all okay that way. Learning to say I’m sorry is hard for me, but because I truly feel that way it is worth the risk of doing so. Still love sucks sometimes. It really does.. I won’t give up.

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