February 29, 2004: [•] I managed to lose the person I was in love with, but gain a friend better than I could imagine in that same person. It has been a day of true duality. For me that should be natural. I’m a Gemini and duality of self is something I have lived with my entire life. Nevertheless I find myself confused with the occurrences of today and their meaning in life. For the first time a door has opened up into tomorrow and it scares me because I do not know what any of this means. I’m lost. I’m scared. I’m not alone though and that is the odd part. Though I have managed to isolate myself like never before I am, for the first time in months, not alone. What now? I have answered the question of who exactly really does love me and why, but at the same time I have no idea what to do with my life. I have no idea where I am heading. I am, for a lack of better understanding, a vagrant in this world without a true home or purpose. My life is a blank slate. I am afraid to write anything on it. I might mar it. I might write something I don’t believe truly in. I might fail to keep the promises I make. I am at a beginning and I hate it because endings are so much more decisive. Yet an hour ago I would have said the exact opposite; I would have said I hate the end because it’s so much harder than the beginning and that saying good-bye is too hard for me to do. You figure it out because like I said– I can’t. Duality, it runs my world today.