September 20, 2003: [•] Early this morning I came home from a long night of both work and play. As I laid down to go to sleep I had a number of realizations. It was like I awoke from the fantasy world that my life had become lately. I realized that many of things I thought I had that I did not. I realized that things were not what they seemed. I realized that things I said in French could never be real in English. It was like the return of my old self after a long hiatus in a far off place. It was like the return of flAnnelmAn. God, I missed myself.