Monthly Archives: October 1999

Classic DF – 10/23/99

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Oct. 23, 1999: Last night I got a call from Covalence, and much like a boss firing an employee after they quit, told me I was exhile. Furthermore, I’m not to contact him, BUT my wife, brother, and mother can… ummmm… why would they want to? After all, if you “exhile” me then why would they want to stay in contact with him? Hmmmm… more disallusions of a sick young man indeed. Of course this has liberated me of any ties to his sorry ass (which most of the people I know are tired of anyhow). To quote Covalence directly, “I have become what I most feared.” Yes, that is true… I have become my own person and that was my original intent from day one. Talked to Gundam too. He apologized for his actions and in turn Mel and I have forgiven him… in the end Gundam was upset and that made him angry. So why forgive one person and not another? Well, first off Gunny has respect and was nice enough to talk about it. Instead of telling me how he dissapproves we actaully found out what the root of the problem was. The conversation with Covalence on the other hand became a “I can’t believe your so wrong Chris” conversation… and if I was the object of abuse how was that my fault? As Gun and Mel pointed out, it isn’t. Second, Gun has a sense of honor and values the friendship with loyalty. Finally, there was a valued lesson learned, those who care will actaully say it and be able to prove it. ‘Nuff said. I’ve been taking Tae-robics. It’s some where between dance, kickboxing, and martial arts with stretching. I really like the class alot and it really works well. Look for some DF stuff soon: Mel is going to be posting a new single soon and it is phat yo 🙂 Kevin and Gundam are forming a band together. Should really be exciting stuff coming out of there and I’m looking forward to what they end up producing. Well, hopefully now that 90210 part deux is over I can get back to ranting about important stuff again LOL 🙂

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Classic DF – 10/22/99

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Oct. 22, 1999: Everyone has an opinion and in the words of Rev. Daemon Immortalis, “That’s a beautiful thing”. However, sometimes if you can’t say something nice you shouldn’t say it at all. That’s from Mrs. Brigsby in the The Secret of Nimh. She was a smart mouse. Rock has shared his insights into Melissa and my posts about “friends”. I guess Rocky was right on that point, but sometimes being mute only leads to being taken advantage of. As was this case, I believe… I could be wrong (but I’m not so shut up for a second and keep reading:). The only life long friend I’ve ever had was my Mom… she has been there since she shot me out of her crotch 22 yrs. ago. Ummmmm… everyone else has been there less time. I guess that isn’t wasn’t what Rock meant exaclty… I think he was striving for the more proper term of “long time friend”. Well, I did choose my long time friend. Rock, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but you won’t stay any longer with one person than the one you marry. That person will be the longest friend (and lover etc…) you’ll ever have. Your wife should be forever, at least that is what Mel and I are striving for. Anything less and you shouldn’t marry that person. So I did choose my long time friend and companion, Melissa. So what is it Rock was really talking about? I think what he was hoping to say was: Damn it flAn, why don’t you wait for them understand your marriage like you did for me?! Good point, I have an answer: 1.) When you love someone as deeply as I love Mel you defend that person from anyone who is out to hurt them… they were out to hurt her and Covalence was hoping to somehow steal back Mel… the reality check for him should have been she was never his and she hates his lame butt. But, that’s another point for another time. 2.) Covalence didn’t want to understand us… he wanted to destroy us. Why? I don’t know… maybe he has become the big drinker he was bragging to everyone he is… maybe he’s an alcoholic or something. The only help I could offer him is the advice to seek professional counseling and treatment in a good Betty Ford Clinic 🙂 He never supported our marriage not because it was too fast, but because he was jealous; case closed. That person isn’t a friend…. and Rock if you think that person is a friend: me and you need to discuss why you shouldn’t let people use you or hurt you, even if you think they are a friend… they are not. 3.) Who cares about their friends more than their wife… oh yeah, those divorced guys! Don’t be foolish sheeeeeeeesh!!! I can understand what he means though (and I say that without sarcasism). You think, Rock, that if I give those idiots a chance maybe then they’ll figure out that Mel and I followed our hearts… that’s why we didn’t wait and we spend so much time together, because we really love each other. I couldn’t agree more with you my friend EXCEPT Covalence isn’t going to accept that… he hates both of us because we are everything he wishes he was: married and happy. Jealousy will never allow friendship and hatred can never be ignored. So I give you this… we’ve given everyone a chance to understand us; it is them who refuse to understand and therefore never will. There is no reason to hold onto friends when they are long gone from the time you were friends. There is no reason to hope for change when they never will. And there is nothing to say when they won’t hear what you have to say. The deaf ear hears nothing. They have choosen their lives, and I have choosen mine. I am happy with my choice. Are they happy with theirs?

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Classic DF – 10/20/99

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Oct. 20, 1999: One day we grow up… well, not all of us. Sometimes as we progress in our hopes and dreams we leave others behind. Those “friends” often feel betrayed or lost, but in the end there is little left to say. When someone says that they trust you and believe in you as a person that is a great gift, but when that same person later turns to you and says that they think everything you do is wrong. Sure, it’s wrong…. for them. Obviously it is only right for you or you wouldn’t have done it. If a friend says that they will always be there and then that friend runs off to find other friends, is that fair? Is it your duty to stay in contact with that friend when they don’t return your phone calls or e-mails? Or when they do call or write they bash every decision you make; then they tell you their problems, so you try to relate. But, instead of consultation you get another ear full of why they are better then you. Would you honestly want to call that person a friend. Suppose that friend has taken advantage of you for over ten years. Has mistreated you and belittled you infront of women, often degrading your image. Has constantly reminded you how important their work is compared to you. That is not a friend. That is an abusive relationship. No one should ever feel the need to stay in that relationship. It is not your fault that person is immature or disillusioned. Drugs, alcohol, and illicit behavior have destroyed their mind. That is not your fault. If they choose to destroy their body and betray a drug free lifestyle all you can do is stand back and wish them well. That is not your problem. Those who run away from their problems will only find them catch up with even more vigor and pain then originally. If they are jealous because you have found true love through hard work and dedication, but their lying sleazy ways have gotten them nowwhere, don’t feel bad for them… that was their choice. If they are jealous of what you have (and even claim they had it first when they didn’t even really take the time to get to know the person) and they are angry because they walked away from perfection because they were too stupid to see it, they are the foolish one. So move on… I will. If another friend tells you that they want time with their signifigant other and you grant them that time. Then, when their relatioship starts to teeter and they come back to hang out with you like old times. The problem is you’ve grown up and moved on to other things, old times are long dead. If that friend then attacks the person that you love and demands they are controlling; when in reality you have choosen to be with them. Suppose all is you want is the time that your friend was alloted to be with his “love”. But, that friend won’t grant you that time with your love. That isn’t a friend either. No one has stolen you or told you what to do. If you’re in love and someone is jealous of that… well, frankly that too is their problem. People like these are not your friends… they are angry, jealous, and decietful. In the end you not at fault. You have grown up and it is not your job to make them do the same. That is their problem, not yours… in the end there is nothing to say…

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